Narcissists and Success

One thing I've never understood about narcissists is how they achieve anything at all, given their criticism avoidance and lack of self-reflection. 

I've personally known narcissists who were doctors, nurses, teachers, engineers, counselors, religious leaders, business owners—all of which require massive amounts of education. Which requires the ability to incorporate feedback—the key ability that narcissists lack. 

In the face of this Achilles heel, how do narcissists end up living in anything besides a cardboard box? I have a couple of theories. 

First, narcissists are used to faking it till they make it. And the traditional educational environment is less complex than people think. Being able to memorize and repeat what your professor wants to hear is a different skill set than critically thinking about information and retaining it for life. 

Second, many narcissists' endeavors do end in failure, because there are only so many corners you can cut before they start cutting you back. But often, no one is around to witness this demise because the narcissist has driven their closest admirers away long before reaching rock bottom.

For example, I knew a narcissistic doctor in a lucrative field who got fired for showing up to work drunk and high. He still has his license, but he's torpedoed his reputation to the point that I doubt he'll ever work in his specialty again. 

I also knew a narcissistic pastor who went from leading a wealthy megachurch to becoming a social media "life coach" involved in a multilevel marketing scheme. She attributed her dismissal to workplace discrimination, but I think people finally had enough of her manipulative behavior. 

Notably, both of these incidents happened in the person's late 50s to early 60s. In late middle age, it seems, even the highest-functioning narcissists start to deteriorate and can't maintain their public image. 

Conversely, late middle age is a rewarding time for normal people. It's when their investments, both financial and relational, really start to pay off. They achieve peak eminence in their career, and they watch their children/mentees grow up and have children/mentees of their own. These events, combined with increased self-reflection and emotional maturity, allow non-narcissists to appreciate their own positive impact on the world.

Of course, not all failure is caused by narcissism. Business and personal endeavors fail for a variety of reasons. The difference is that normal people take responsibility while narcissists never do. No matter what, the narcissist is always a victim and seems to revel in being oppressed. 

The narcissist also fails to learn from mistakes and keeps making the same ones over and over again. When you see a 50-something father of three conduct himself like a teenage pothead, you can be fairly certain that he's a narcissist. 

So, while some narcissists appear high-functioning on the surface, it's important to remember that their success is an illusion. Narcissists almost invariably end up alone, broke, and unhappy with their lives because they lack the integrity that leads to long-term fulfillment. Monuments built on lies will eventually come tumbling down. All you can do is step out of the way so you don't get flattened.