Holy Heterodoxy

I dunno... is it wrong to call the sky blue? Is it wrong to call ice cold? Is it wrong to call Shih Tzus furry?  Cluster B personality disorders, by definition, involve distinct patterns of dysfunctional behavior that almost invariably affect other people. (The proposed Quiet Borderline subtype being the sole exception.) A hallmark of these disorders is a fragile ego, leading to criticism avoidance, hindering self-reflection, and thus preventing the desire to change one's own ways.  Of course people whose lives are built on evading accountability will tell you that it's mean for their victims to "stereotype," a.k.a. to share concepts and vocabulary that help identify harmful relationships. But I don't let abusers decide whether I'm allowed to talk about abuse, for the same reason I don't let my barber decide whether I need a haircut.

My whole life, I've been told I'm too sensitive and outspoken and need to let things go. Only in my twenties have I learned that honest, straightforward communication is an asset, not a flaw. Everyday conversations shouldn't feel like a battlefield. If you have to pick your battles, you're in an unhealthy relationship with someone who most likely has a fragile ego and is criticism-avoidant.  It's not normal to walk on eggshells around grown-ass adults. You and the other person should have a mutual understanding that you both mean well and are sincere, and you should also have the maturity to give and take constructive criticism. Therefore, you should be able to discuss any issue in the relationship, freely and openly, without being silenced.