"We want what's best for you."

I recently stumbled across an old, screenshotted text from a narcissistic former friend group: "Even though things are different now, we want what's best for you." 

Sounds innocent, right? But they sent it right after saying, almost word for word, "We forgive you for breaking off the friendship. We want you to keep attending our church." 

(I'd been heavily questioning said church because they brought in an anti-vax pastor at the height of the pandemic.) 

Also, notice that they didn't say, "We just want you to be happy." Or, "We respect your choices." Or even, "We're sorry for hurting you."

(The original issue leading to the breakoff was that they'd harassed me about my chronic illness and refused to believe my symptoms were really that bad. Then they denied harassing me when it had literally just occurred.) 

"We want what's best for you" is a narcissistic dogwhistle that basically translates to, "We know what's best for you. Now surrender to our control!" 

Anyway, I told them, "It's wild that you think I need forgiveness for ending our friendship." Then I blocked their numbers and left that church shortly afterward.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Narcissists and Success

One thing I've never understood about narcissists is how they achieve anything at all, given their criticism avoidance and lack of self-reflection.  I've personally known narcissists who were doctors, nurses, teachers, engineers, counselors, religious leaders, business owners—all of which require massive amounts of education. Which requires the ability to incorporate feedback—the key ability that narcissists lack.  In the face of this Achilles heel, how do narcissists end up living in anything besides a cardboard box? I have a couple of theories.  First, narcissists are used to faking it till they make it. And the traditional educational environment is less complex than people think. Being able to memorize and repeat what your professor wants to hear is a different skill set than critically thinking about information and retaining it for life.  Second, many narcissists' endeavors do end in failure, because there are only so many corners you can cut before they start...
Read more

Is it wrong to call Cluster B personalities toxic?

I dunno... is it wrong to call the sky blue? Is it wrong to call ice cold? Is it wrong to call Shih Tzus furry?  Cluster B personality disorders, by definition, involve distinct patterns of dysfunctional behavior that almost invariably affect other people. (The proposed Quiet Borderline subtype being the sole exception.) A hallmark of these disorders is a fragile ego, leading to criticism avoidance, hindering self-reflection, and thus preventing the desire to change one's own ways.  Of course people whose lives are built on evading accountability will tell you that it's mean for their victims to "stereotype," a.k.a. to share concepts and vocabulary that help identify harmful relationships. But I don't let abusers decide whether I'm allowed to talk about abuse, for the same reason I don't let my barber decide whether I need a haircut.
Read more

To be, or not to be, childfree? The only question that matters

To be a parent is to be physically and emotionally present, 24/7/365, for a person who relies on you for every need, for a minimum of 18 years and possibly for life.  Would nurturing someone on that level be fulfilling enough for you to make that lifetime commitment? If the answer is no, or even maybe, then you shouldn't have children. Children deserve to be wanted and loved. They deserve a 100% yes.
Read more