Holy Heterodoxy

Saviorism - Comes from a place of paternalism, outside and "above" those being helped - Does important things for people - Is often a short-term project - Benefits a few - Relieves crisis - Inspires pity/gratitude and emotional debt - Examples: food banks, toy drives, homeless shelters, foster care  Interdependence - Comes from a place of belonging, humility, and reciprocity - Does important things with people - Requires continued, active participation from all parties - Benefits everyone - Prevents crisis - Inspires mutual respect and social equality - Examples: lending libraries, clothing exchanges, community gardens, fictive kinship [Note: I'm not saying that everything in the "saviorist" column is inherently bad, only that none of it provides long-term solutions.]

According to the data analysis website Statista, the average American young adult spends two to three hours per day on social media. (https://www.statista.com/statistics/433871/daily-social-media-usage-worldwide/) An alarming percentage of my generation is content to sit on their couch, scrolling mindlessly on their phones while life passes them by. They feel that having boundaries means they should never lift a finger for others, and trusting intuition means they should never endure the slightest discomfort.  Then they complain of loneliness.  It seems that, in our culture of convenience and hyper-individualism, we've forgotten how to share our time and effort with other people. Yet the recipe for relationship is simple: Show up. Contribute. Consistently.  Put yourself out there. Introduce yourself to those strangers at the pool. Learn to sign hello to your Deaf barista. Help your elderly neighbor carry her groceries. Hop on that plane and visit those relatives you haven...

You can't serve people while leveraging basic necessities to impose your beliefs on them.  You can't give people free choice while threatening them with hell if they disagree with you.  Real love doesn't have strings attached.

To be a parent is to be physically and emotionally present, 24/7/365, for a person who relies on you for every need, for a minimum of 18 years and possibly for life.  Would nurturing someone on that level be fulfilling enough for you to make that lifetime commitment? If the answer is no, or even maybe, then you shouldn't have children. Children deserve to be wanted and loved. They deserve a 100% yes.