Holy Heterodoxy

Saviorism - Comes from a place of paternalism, outside and "above" those being helped - Does important things for people - Is often a short-term project - Benefits a few - Relieves crisis - Inspires pity/gratitude and emotional debt - Examples: food banks, toy drives, homeless shelters, foster care  Interdependence - Comes from a place of belonging, humility, and reciprocity - Does important things with people - Requires continued, active participation from all parties - Benefits everyone - Prevents crisis - Inspires mutual respect and social equality - Examples: lending libraries, clothing exchanges, community gardens, fictive kinship [Note: I'm not saying that everything in the "saviorist" column is inherently bad, only that none of it provides long-term solutions.]

According to the data analysis website Statista, the average American young adult spends two to three hours per day on social media. (https://www.statista.com/statistics/433871/daily-social-media-usage-worldwide/) An alarming percentage of my generation is content to sit on their couch, scrolling mindlessly on their phones while life passes them by. They feel that having boundaries means they should never lift a finger for others, and trusting intuition means they should never endure the slightest discomfort.  Then they complain of loneliness.  It seems that, in our culture of convenience and hyper-individualism, we've forgotten how to share our time and effort with other people. Yet the recipe for relationship is simple: Show up. Contribute. Consistently.  Put yourself out there. Introduce yourself to those strangers at the pool. Learn to sign hello to your Deaf barista. Help your elderly neighbor carry her groceries. Hop on that plane and visit those relatives you haven...

You can't serve people while leveraging basic necessities to impose your beliefs on them.  You can't give people free choice while threatening them with hell if they disagree with you.  Real love doesn't have strings attached.

To be a parent is to be physically and emotionally present, 24/7/365, for a person who relies on you for every need, for a minimum of 18 years and possibly for life.  Would nurturing someone on that level be fulfilling enough for you to make that lifetime commitment? If the answer is no, or even maybe, then you shouldn't have children. Children deserve to be wanted and loved. They deserve a 100% yes.

I dunno... is it wrong to call the sky blue? Is it wrong to call ice cold? Is it wrong to call Shih Tzus furry?  Cluster B personality disorders, by definition, involve distinct patterns of dysfunctional behavior that almost invariably affect other people. (The proposed Quiet Borderline subtype being the sole exception.) A hallmark of these disorders is a fragile ego, leading to criticism avoidance, hindering self-reflection, and thus preventing the desire to change one's own ways.  Of course people whose lives are built on evading accountability will tell you that it's mean for their victims to "stereotype," a.k.a. to share concepts and vocabulary that help identify harmful relationships. But I don't let abusers decide whether I'm allowed to talk about abuse, for the same reason I don't let my barber decide whether I need a haircut.

My whole life, I've been told I'm too sensitive and outspoken and need to let things go. Only in my twenties have I learned that honest, straightforward communication is an asset, not a flaw. Everyday conversations shouldn't feel like a battlefield. If you have to pick your battles, you're in an unhealthy relationship with someone who most likely has a fragile ego and is criticism-avoidant.  It's not normal to walk on eggshells around grown-ass adults. You and the other person should have a mutual understanding that you both mean well and are sincere, and you should also have the maturity to give and take constructive criticism. Therefore, you should be able to discuss any issue in the relationship, freely and openly, without being silenced.